5 Characteristics of the ego-driven business | Mindset tips for female entrepreneurs

I was scrolling through instagram recently when I saw someone sharing business advice. 

And it. 

Was. 

Terrible. 

It wasn’t terrible because it was bad advice, but it was terrible because of what this post did after giving the advice. After giving this advice, the person went on to say that if you didn’t follow their advice (which was an arbitrary preference, not something backed by any data), you would be disrespected as a business owner. 

I was shocked and disappointed to see a person with influence wielding it to control and limit others by creating rules and then instilling fear in people if they didn’t follow them...but here’s the thing. This mindset has a name. And it exists in ALL of us. 

So, let’s learn about this mindset so that when we notice it in ourselves, we can quiet it and choose something better. And when we notice it in others, we can steer clear of it-because mindset is contagious. The mindsets you spend the most time with have the most influence on you. 

What’s the ego driven mind? 

You might hear the word “ego” and immediately think of a person who’s full of themselves-someone who “has a big ego,” perhaps. But the ego-mind isn’t just someone talking about themselves with high regard...possibly with a few eye rolls from the peanut gallery.

The ego mind is a part of our thinking minds made to keep us playing small. It will do anything to protect us and keep us safe and is completely obsessed with maintaining appearances to others. 

This part of the brain knows no end to manipulation and control if it feels threatened or insecure, but more importantly? 

The ego-driven mind is deeply insecure and disempowered. So lets get to know what this looks like a bit better so you can recognize when it shows up in your thinking.

5 traits of an ego driven business

1. Fueled by fear, doubt, and worry

2. Worried about appearances (comparison)

3. Lives by limitation

4. Self-centered and critical

5. Finds validation in separation

Where will ego take your business?

Ultimately ego is the mindset of comparison and either putting others down or limiting and controlling them on their path to success. You can either drive this behavior or receive it and feel put down and judged. But if you realize you’re operating from an ego state, it’s time to make a change. 

My story with an ego-driven business

A few years ago, the ego completely drove my life and business. Constantly worried about appearances, I would stress about weight gained, followers lost, and people ghosting. 

But what I didn’t know was my purpose, vision and mission. These worries were low-level distractions that only led me to loss and grief. 

The ego is most pleased when you’re spinning in circles trying to fix irrelevant issues. It feels most comfortable playing the comparison game and living in the thoughts that start with “what if…” “I can’t” and “I should.”
Your ego will only levy expectation and judgment on you. And that’s not healthy for anyone.

What’s the alternative?

The alternative to living and thinking in your ego mind is your higher self, your intuition or your soul. While there are a bunch of different names for this part of your thinking, your intuition (My personal fave description) is fueled by your goals, vision, purpose, and mission. It is kind and compassionate, and operates from your best interest. Your intuition isn’t dramatic and is often quiet if you haven’t been listening to it. It brings up limiting beliefs not to distract you, but to allow you to get rid of them. 

5 characteristics of your Intuition 

1. Fueled by your purpose, vision, and mission

2. Focused on impact

3. Lives in abundance and infinite potential

4. Self-compassionate and loving

5. Finds worthiness in self. Spreads love to all

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Am I upper limiting? How I recognized and overcame an upper limit

I'm learning that I'm my own worst enemy. I want success...but I'm starting to see that I'm often the only thing standing in my way. I saw that SO clearly yesterday while performing!

Recognizing my upper limit problem

I began doing vocal performance for events when I was 14 years old. I was an awkward teenager in a new school and assumed a lot of pressure on myself. I mentioned it here, but I had a habit of choking (literally) during my actual performances. I'd swallow a note (like...I'd totally make a "GLUG!" sound. Oh my word.) in EVERY song at about the 2/3 mark. I'd get sick before every performance-wake up with a cold, sore throat, sometimes a sinus infection, definitely lots of snot happenin'. I was pretty sure I couldn't sing...and I always pulled through, just not at my best. 

I started noticing this pattern develop in other areas of my life. Anytime I was faced with the decision to step forward, be seen, or be in a place to be critiqued publicly, I'd choke. This past fall, I tested an idea of launching a live event. Every time I was ready to actually tell the world "I'm doing this! Come to my event!" I'd wake up the day of the scheduled action with a nasty cold. 

At first I thought it was a coincidence, but then I started wondering if it was a form of self-sabotage! Who knows? It sounded so crazy to me, but I I figured it was worth knowing how I was standing in my own way. 

Learning about upper limits

I started reading The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks and within a few pages, I had a pretty clear picture of my self sabotage. From getting physically sick EVERY time I needed to step into the spotlight to messing up during my performance...every time, I saw that I just couldn't handle the level of success I was aiming for. My brain sensed the dissonance and tried to take one for the team and keep me safe. 

Breaking my upper limit

But I'm not staying safe this year. I'm moving fast and breaking things. I'm testing ideas, learning, making mistakes, and growing. So, this past sunday I began my first upper limit problem test!

I was scheduled to lead worship at my church and as I got there, my nerves set in. I felt the mucus building up in my throat and blocking my voice. I felt my throat tightening to the point that no sound would come out. And all of a sudden, I had a case of dry mouth like nothing I've ever experienced. I literally couldn't shape words. Images of past failures flooded my mind. Times when I completely FORGOT the words to our national anthem in a stadium filled with people, when my voice cracked on the big note, the countless times I choked on a noted and made that ridiculous "GLUG!" sound right into the mic. I could taste the hot lemon water I'd down, hoping it would stop my incessant throat clearing. 

Visualizing my ideal state 

And then I stopped listening to myself. I decided that I'm the thinker of my thoughts and it was time to choose a positive thought. As I sat on the hard stool under the spotlights, doing sound checks, I coached myself and it sounded like this: 
"hey! It's okay to feel scared! Everyone here loves you though. There's no pressure. Think of one time you sang your lungs out and felt no stress. You sang and you loved it. There was no pressure. Just singing."

And soon enough, I could see myself worshiping in church, singing, my mind lighting up with ideas for new sounds. My hands raised in heartfelt worship, tears streaming down my face. There was no pressure, there was only love and earnest, heartfelt singing. 

"there you go. Negative thoughts are easy. This year's not for easy, it's for breaking things. Focus on that thought. Only that thought. No pressure, no one telling you what not to do. Just sing."

And I sang. The sound that came out during sound checks was quite frankly awful. I squawked a flat few bars into the mic and immediately apologized to everyone, scratching my neck furiously and feeling so ashamed. 

"You know, it doesn't have to be this way, Steph. You can choose not to stay here. You can break the limit. You can JUST enjoy singing. You can be real and let it go. You don't need to clear your throat first. You're fine. Just sing."

And I tried again. I was a little surprised to hear a voice that had so little stress in it. I was used to covering my stress by manipulating and forcing the sound of my voice. But this sound rang out true and clear! I actually startled myself, then I tried again.

Taking the big leap

"There you go! Now, leap. You can have more. You can have better. You have something to say. Don't wait. Don't ask permission. Just sing. Invite people in."

And I did. Everytime I felt the panic rise, I pictured myself in that ideal state, singing with abandon and joy. I sang. I smiled. I shared important things with people I loved. 

And I made the leap.

Have you ever experienced an upper limit problem in your life? Comment below: what are the signs that you're reaching your upper limit in an area? Do you get sick? Pick a fight with someone you're perfectly happy with? start thinking negative thoughts in an otherwise peaceful situation? Create a problem?

The difference between hustle and hard work

I remember hearing a well-known coach talk about building her business to a million dollars a year. Of course, I was ALL ears! How did she do it? I want to do that too!

While she shared her insider secrets, she often used the word hustle, like this: “you’ve got to hustle to make the money.” or “it takes hustle to grow your business.”

I immediately pictured high school volleyball practice doing shuffle squats across the court as my coach yelled “hustle hustle hustle!” I was doing meaningful work that prepared me to be agile on the court…but when my coach yelled hustle, what she was communicating was that we needed to go faster.

And that’s the problem-well one of them-with hustle culture. It’s not about the work, it’s about the speed of the work.

Defining the difference between hard work and hustle

In my true 5th grade teacher fashion (I used to teach 5th grade), let’s start by defining the terms.

the reality is that everyone has a unique association to the words hustle and hard work. So, when you say each of these words, what immediately comes to mind?

That’s your mental representation of this word. is it a picture? Mind movie? sound? experience? Some or even all of the above? Mine is a memory in the form of a mind movie-it’s silent, but I can feel the shuffle squats.

Now, here’s how I define these two terms:

Hard work

In physics, there’s a law that goes like this:

Force * Mass = Acceleration

And it can absolutely be used for business growth-it’s essentially the compound effect at work. When you apply yourself to a given outcome through regular, incremental steps, you will succeed.

Hard work is a deeply individual term-everyone has their own specific idea of how much, what type, or how long is “hard work” to them. My belief is that hard work is simply effort. And effort is force APPLIED toward something. We all put in effort and it’s required to run your business. No matter if it's strategy, time, money, or leveraging your network, effort must be applied in order to succeed.

Hard work = effort

now let’s talk hustle

Hustle

When I looked up the terms, hustle gave the idea of being forceful, pushy, or busy. That’s exactly what I thought it might mean!

So let’s think about this for a minute-have you ever been in a sales situation where someone was selling you something in a forceful or coercive way? (I’ve been to my share of MLM “parties,” so yes from me.) Have you ever felt bad and heard yourself saying “yes!” spilling out of your mouth when you actually wanted with every fiber of your being to say “NO”?

I believe that forceful, coercive, pushy element of “hustle culture” is one very simple thing:

We’re saying yes when we mean no. We’re crossing our own boundaries to get what we want.

Change my mind.

But before you do, take a second and think-when you’ve “hustled,” what personal boundaries have you crossed? Have you sat at your computer until you’ve had a headache? Deprived yourself of nutritious food because you’re “in the zone?” Or skipped out on breaks or moving your body because you just had so much to do?

Hydration, nutrition, sleep, and movement are essential human needs-if you find yourself regularly bulldozing past them, minimizing them, or getting frustrating with yourself for needing something, you’re in hustle mode and it’s not good.

We usually decide it’s time to “hustle” when we feel some kind of overwhelm. And we think the solution involves bypassing ourselves to get the results we want.

So, to recap:

• Hard work is NOT hustling.

• Hard work = effort

• Hustling = boundary crossing

I personally believe that we go from effort to hustle when we choose to ignore or even bypass our personal needs in order to accomplish a goal. THAT's the difference.

So, are you ignoring your needs for rest, creativity, socializing?

Are you bypassing simple needs, like hydration, nutrition, and movement?

Are you working until you're in physical pain?

That's not hard work, that's hustle. And it's not sustainable.

So What do you do now?

How to recover from hustle mentality

It’s important to recognize that somewhere along the way, you’ve linked your identity to time or money, resulting in hustle.

So while slowing down is a natural solution to hustle, as you’re slowing down, begin looking into when you linking these things together, why you did, and what you were trying to accomplish.

You may enjoy reading some personal growth books-Check my book recommendations here and here.

You may recognize that you’ve got something bigger going on and you’d like help getting rid of that mental roadblock. I’d recommend setting up a discovery call with me to pinpoint the type of support you’d most benefit from.

And for the one who likes time to review and assess all their options, here are my top 3 recommended programs for you:

$-The Momentum Challenge

this self-lead 5 day challenge helps you identify and break through limiting beliefs as simply as possible so you can build momentum and accomplish your goals.

$$-Magnetic Minds

Self-study success program helping you create goals and success habits, clear your blocks and magnetically manifest what you want.

$$$-Blindspot Breakthrough

Over the course of 4 1:1 sessions together, we are going to pinpoint and rewire your biggest blocks. I will use NLP techniques to release these blocks in your unconscious mind so success begins to feel effortless to you .

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My favorite mindset books of all time! Part 1

I have a few books I go back to again and again-for myself and for my clients! And whether you read them or listen to them, you’ll get so much value! So, I’m sharing my top recommendations for books to help you change your mindset in a few VERY important areas. Let’s go!

*this post contains purchase links, but no affiliate links. I am not making a commission off of my recommendations :)

Growth Mindset Books

Mindset by Carol Dweck

My all time favorite mindset book, and the one that began my personal growth journey is Mindset by Carol Dweck. This is one of the most well known bodies of research on the topic of a growth mindset vs. a fixed mindset and it shattered the way I used to see myself, my achievements, my potential, and my life. Since reading this book, I’ve continually challenged myself to practice a growth mindset, challenge any limitation, and pursue curiosity.

Grit by Angela Duckworth

I feel so emotional even recommending this book and here’s why:

My husband read it before I had begun my personal growth journey. He would read parts of it to me and ask me if I could envision behaving in a “grit” way. I would get so upset and rant about how that was “so unrealistic-not everyone is meant to be that way.”

What I didn’t know was that 5 years later, I’d revisit this book up out of curiosity and my husband would reread to me the characteristics of a person with grit. Now, I felt this warm certainty in my belly and said the words “I can’t imagine ever giving up on my dream.”

What I really can’t believe is the transformation I created between the time I literally whined and cried about the idea of having “grit” and saying the words “I can’t imagine giving up on my dream.”

I’ve changed and this book helped me easily see that!

Books on Limiting beliefs

The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks

The Big Leap is a book that everyone has some kind of a lightbulb moment around. If you want to identify your biggest themes in your limiting beliefs and you want to change the way you approach the work you do so you begin to see rapid results, The Big Leap is a FABULOUS read or listen. I cannot recommend this book enough. In fact, for a long time, I required my private clients to read Mindset and The Big Leap before we began private mentorship together. This was my coaching “starter kit” so to speak.

You are a Badass by Jen Sincero

I don’t know if it’s her self-deprecating sense of humor, her dramatic sense of voice (which I relate to so much!) or how simple she makes limiting beliefs and manifestation, but this book is such a fun read for overcoming limiting beliefs and manifesting a life you love!

Money Mindset Books

Rich As F*ck by Amanda Frances

I bought this book and I’ll admit-I was a bit scandalized by the title. I mean…I don’t use the F-word so…how do I recommend a book I can’t really say the title of? Oh the stress....

I’m glad I got over that overthinking moment though because this book was exactly what I needed! I’ve read the old money mindset standards by Napolean Hill and Wallace Wattles, but I personally was bored and tired of hearing from privileged white men from a century ago. Enter Amanda. While still white, she’s a woman and multi-millionaire in my industry. And as I read her book, I began seeing solutions to money moves I’d previously felt intimidated by. She talks about not waiting for a man to do the money work and that was one of my biggest takeaways. By the end of the book, I’d open investment accounts I’d previously felt stuck even starting. And I feel confident that I can take care of myself and my future, no matter if my husband plays a role in it.

Could there be anything more powerful than standing on your own two feet financially?

I have another post coming up with my favorite books on the topics of energy, success, and coaching-you’ll want to come back for that read!

Enroll in my newsletter to be notified when i release new blog content by signing up here:

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Coaching Session Riff: What if you're the only one holding you back?

I have a treat for you!

In a recent live coaching call, I challenged our group to name a dream they were actively bringing to life and then think of ways they could live as if it were real now.

From moving to Thailand and trips to Italy to al fresco dinner parties and girls weekends, the dreams came rolling out with momentum.

Suddenly I asked one of my students “what’s stopping you from creating your dream scenario now?”

She stopped for a moment and quietly replied “I’m realizing…nothing!”

And this vdeo is what I shared afterward.

After I shared this content, the group began cheering and encouraged me to somehow capture this for others.

We all knew this message was important and so I’m sharing it with you today in this brief 2 minute coaching session snippet.

If you felt inspired or motivated from this video, I’d love for you to leave me a comment sharing how this spoke to you.

You can fly-you just didn’t know you had wings.

I love you,

Stephanie

Video shared with permission from Magnetic Minds Alumnus, Pam, who makes an appearance.

What is The Ripple Effect?

The Ripple Effect Mastermind is a program I designed specifically for the one who is ready to create inner and outer wealth. In this unique, hybrid program, I walk you through the emotions and energetic tools my clients and I have used to create a no-trade-offs life.

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Would you drive with your parking brake on?

The one where we thought the car was about to explode

I remember the first time I learned what a parking brake was. We had just moved across the country and our grandparents were visiting us. My mom and I hopped in the car and took off down the road after my pop pop had driven it. 

Shortly after we started driving, my mom started saying “uh oh…something’s wrong. UH OH. OH NO! WHAT IS GOING ON??” Suddenly I saw smoke coming out from under the hood as we drove and my mom pulled over. We were like a block from our house and yet, I was already envisioning a dramatic car explosion! Should I make a run for it before I inevitably went FLYING through the air like I saw in the tv shows?

*my mental image of what was about to happen to our poor car. Very dramatic, Stephanie

I think I volunteered to give my mom jumper cables as I was preparing to make a run for it (not helpful…) Meanwhile, she was calling our home on her nokia cell to get some help with the billowing car. I remember my pop pop telling her that when he had parked the car, he had engaged the parking brake. All she had to do (after the car was cooled down) was disengage the parking brake and she’d be able to drive safely again.

Soon we were on our merry way, driving smoothly again. The solution was simple. And yet, we couldn’t see it at first.

I think back to this moment often. I feel like it so accurately represents our personal growth journeys. As I’ve coached over a few years, I’ve seen the parking-brake mentality over and over again. 

What is the parking brake mentality?

*another fateful car episode, this time at the age of 23-I really just couldn’t nail the use of those jumper cables…keep reading.

It’s this idea that we want a result in our businesses-a success indicator perhaps. We want a fully booked calendar, to be in-demand, we want multiple 5-figure months, or we just really want to work exclusively with clients who value us and that we love being connected to. 

And we know deep down, we’ve got some limiting beliefs or SOME kind of mindset issues making that feel impossible. But...would changing your mindset really change your results? 

You’re not sure, so you choose something that feels a little more tangible. You hire assistants or ads managers or marketing directors or publicists. And now you’ve just created a more expensive problem. 

So you try again. Now you invest in courses and programs that teach you how to run ads yourselves or write better marketing copy, or host the perfect, lucrative launch. 

Now you’ve got it!

Except...you still don’t get those results you want. 

*does this sound like you? If so, take my free Money Blocks Quiz

And yet you forge ahead, seeing the smoke coming from under the proverbial hood, wondering what’s wrong, feeling like progress is SO hard to make. But also pressing that gas pedal even harder. 

Once we realize that no matter how hard we press on the gas, driving forward is an uphill battle, we stop and freak out about all the things going wrong. We see the smoke and imagine we’re about to self-destruct. 

When we aren’t getting the results we want in our businesses, it can feel rewarding to choose some kind of solution we want to help us change that. 

*this ended poorly. no cars exploded…but there was a fire and lots of screaming.

Running your business without clearing your mindset blocks is like driving with the parking brake on

But like 13 year old me handing my mom jumper cables for a parking brake, it doesn’t matter what the solution is and how good it feels to be doing SOMETHING to solve our issue if it’s still the wrong solution. 

Running your business without clearing your mindset blocks and limiting beliefs is a lot like driving with a parking brake on. 

Is it possible? Yes. Is it sustainable? No. Will it give you the results you want? No. 

Accomplishing the results we want doesn’t have to constantly feel so hard. It doesn’t have to feel like pushing a boulder uphill or...driving with the parking brake on. 

Instead, you can create a life where you set goals, take action, and regularly accomplish them. As you do this over and over, you begin doing it faster and collapsing the time it takes you to get your results. 

This is what’s possible when we begin with our mindset. You CAN have the results you desire. You DO have a business capable of creating the income you desire. You do have a personality that magnetically draws in those dream clients who just GET you. There IS a reality in which you get to be wildly successful and deeply loved.

Let’s start that transformation by taking my free Money Blocks Quiz and find out what problems to clear up first. 

I’m ready for your transformation when you are!

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Ready to binge read? Here are more blog posts to love:

How to get the results you want in business

I’m in the middle of a hair transformation (more info and pics below!) and while styling my newly wavy hair, I realized something important! 

If you’ve ever felt stuck, limited, or like no matter what you learn, you keep recreating the same unwanted results in your business, this video is for you-watch or read on:

My hair story: 

I  used to have thick, fine, straight hair. It was heavy and silky and didn’t really hold a curl. But I tried my darndest to get my slippery hair to hold a curl. I’d curl it, use product and it would look curly...but at the end of the day, my hair was still straight no matter what I did. 

I couldn’t curl my hair and hope I now had “curly hair.”

And then I had a baby. And suddenly I found myself with poufy hair that was wirey and weirdly straight on top and tightly kinked underneath. 

(photos below of my hair before learning to style wavy/curly hair)

I stumbled across the curly girl method and began playing with this approach to hair care and I started seeing results! When I started viewing my hair as curly, I fundamentally changed how I cared for my hair from washing all the way through styling. And I started seeing those kinks turn to curls and waves start forming on my top layer. 

(photos below of my progress using the curly-girl method)

I’m still in the middle of this transformation, but it’s already taught me a few things about business.

What my hair transformation taught me about feeling stuck in business

So often, I talk with business owners who aren’t getting the results they want in business. They’re struggling with things like: 

• Repeated low-income months

• Clients who break contract on them

• Potential clients who ghost them

• People only interested in free content

• being maxed out for time and not able to take on new clients, even though they need to make more money.

• Being afraid to raise their rates because they believe they’ll lose clients.

They’ll even tell me “I know I have a lot of limiting beliefs around money. I see it. I just think that if I learn how to launch my online course and get a little revenue coming in there first, then I can work with you to change my mindset.”

And boy do they come back to work with me alright...just not the way they envisioned...Here’s what really happens.

They take said course or program. They learn how to create and launch their online course, make facebook ads, write better sales copy, market better on instagram, and more. And then I hear from them about 6 months later and they say something like: 

“Hey Stephanie! Remember me?” (of course I do!) “so, I think I’m ready to do mindset work. I know what I want to create (often passive income of some sort), and I learned how to do it. But I feel paralyzed to actually take action. I have all these limiting beliefs around doing this and making money from it and I need to get to the bottom of it.”

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Does this sound like you?

Take the Money Blocks Quiz

and see exactly what’s holding you back from $10k-$20k months

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What’s really happening when we’re not getting the results we want:

I see this so often it’s not funny! And here’s what’s really happening:

Just like it didn’t work to curl my hair and hope it would become curly, you can’t learn a skill and hope it makes you successful. 

Once I had the inner transformation on my hair, I then had clarity to learn the right skills for what I wanted to accomplish-and they were COMPLETELY different skills!

So often, when we skip our own mindset blockages and limiting beliefs, we don’t even have the clarity to learn the right skills. I was learning new ways to use my curling iron and it was damaging my hair. Once i had my curly hair, I saw that I had to treat it as curly hair and learn from people who HAD curly hair.

I started buying different shampoos and products and learning how to style it correctly (hello plopping and low-heat styling!) And the kinks began turning to curls. The wirey hair began turning wavy. I started getting results.

How changing your mindset changes your results

It’s the same with your mindset.

When you know you’ve got some mindset issues holding you back-whether it’s limiting beliefs, self-sabotage, comparison, feeling paralyzed, afraid to be seen, scared to outshine a loved one, and more, you’ll be learning skills from a jaded point of view and you won’t really solve your problem.

On the other hand, if you START with inner transformation, you approach your problem completely differently and you see different solutions and learn different skills.

You can stop throwing money down the drain on programs that don’t move the needle in your business and start fresh.

My personal experience learning about my mindset blocks

You can build true momentum in your business. I know because I’ve done it for myself.

I’ve been where you are. I’ve hired the right people and learned the influential skills. And then I’d stare at my bank account and see that it was far from thriving. 

Last year, I got sick and tired of it and knew it was time for a change. 

I walked myself through a complete mindset overhaul and saw that while I indeed had limiting beliefs...one of my biggest mindset blocks around money wasn’t limiting beliefs at all, but rather an emotional block!

I was shocked!

And as I cleaned up my mindset, rewired my unconscious mind for success, and acted from that place, I went from a $500 month to a $10k month. 

But...could I do it again? Or was it just a fluke? And then I created a $25k month and more multiple 5 figure cash months after that. My income would still fluctuate, but in the high income months, there were a few things that remained the same. 

I had cleared unconscious blocks. I had repatterned my mind for success. And I acted from that place. No more rando desperation hires. No more last-ditch efforts and enrolling in program after program. I felt assured and confident-I felt…aligned! And I ended up actually spending less in my business because I had a clear plan now!

I want this for you. But the undeniable truth is that you must must must start with your mindset, not your skillset.

I’ve created an incredible resource for you if this is describing your experience building your online business. Take my free Money Blocks Quiz and lets figure out what’s REALLY holding you back from the success you desire.

How I break through limiting beliefs | the 5 phases of a breakthrough

The breakthrough cycle

I teach that all personal and professional growth follows a natural pattern-plants follow this growth pattern and humans do as well. I call it the Breakthrough cycle. Just like a plant was never meant to stay a seed, we were never meant to remain in our comfort zones. So…what happens next?

I recently had an amazing breakthrough around setting goals and believing my goals were “big” or “difficult”.

I went through each of these steps and along the way, I felt so reassured and confident because I knew what was coming. I knew that good things were already on their way to me.

The comfort zone

This is the place, not of comfort, but of familiarity. Even if what’s familiar is pain, poor treatment, disappointment, self-abandonment, frustration, and feeling judged or overlooked. Until we recognize that we get who we are, we can’t really change our results.

And when we decide we want something we’ve never had before, we step outside of our comfort zone and into:

The tension phase

During the tension phase, any limiting belief or block we are holding that prevents us from being successful will come up for us to deal with. For people unaware of the Breakthrough Cycle, they get wrapped up in the drama of it all, putting out fires and feeling frustrated and stressed with life.

We don’t need to have a tension buildup before a breakthrough- I think it’s important to clarify this. Tension ONLY builds when we hold limiting beliefs that conflict with our ability to accomplish our goals or have our dream. Focusing on our dream or goal inherently means that our unconscious mind releases to our awareness anything that prevents us from having it.

The problem is that most of us don’t know this and buy into it. Which leads to a breakdown.

But…if you’re like me and understand what’s happening, you learn to just observe how you’re showing up during the tension phase. Are you showing up with frustration, comparison, self-judgment, and more? How you be now is what you get back later.

Or…as the tension builds, are you loving yourself and others? Are you trusting that everything is unfolding for you, not happening to you? Are you smiling inside, knowing that no matter the external troubles, you know in the pit of your stomach that something good is about to unfold.

The decision point-breakdown or breakthrough?

When our mind is done providing us with our limiting beliefs on a platter, we are left with a decision. We can break down? or Breakthrough?

And every moment we spend judging, doubting, comparing, regretting, hesitating, and more, ensures that we break down instead of breakthrough.

But ever moment that we choose to see the good, we choose to focus our thoughts toward what we want, we celebrate our lives, we choose love and compassion , we are then choosing a breakthrough.

And I think it’s important to say this (this stuck with me after one of my mentors shared this):

You don’t NEED to have a breakdown in order to have a breakthrough…but if you’re going to break down…you might as well break through, right?

So, what is a breakthrough?

A breakthrough is a sudden realization that provides us with clarity, direction, and momentum toward our desired life. It’s that “a-ha!!” moment, the glass-house shattering, the light-bulb clicking on, the sudden awareness where you’ll never see your life and choices the same way again. And deep inside, this “new” realization is not new-it’s truth that you’re remembering after years of smothering it with limitations.

Why do we need breakthroughs?

Breakthroughs change the way we act! Now that we understand things differently, we feel differently-hopeful, an inner knowing in our tummies, curious.

Once we feel differently, we start acting differently. Our actions are fueled by possibility instead of predictability. We act from the place of already having the thing we want-this perspective and the feelings it brings up for us naturally lead us to choose different actions than we would have before a breakthrough.

Now, instead of splattering things against a wall to see what sticks, you’re showing up from the energy of “I do all I can with all I have and I know the universe will meet me with like force.”

And that’s when your results truly change.

When I had a breakthrough around viewing my goals as small rather than big and difficult, I made my goal! I created a $25k month and couldn’t be prouder!

So, is breaking through limiting beliefs worth it?

Absolutely. (see above-confidence, and a $25k month.)

Does it get results?

It’s the ONLY thing that really does get results. It was never force applied. It was the thoughts that created the force…applied in the right direction.

So, next time you feel the tension building, I want you to remember this;

what if the tension in your life right now is just a sign that good things are coming? ⁠⁠

What do you think? Have you experienced the Breakthrough Cycle in your life? I’d love to hear about it-comment below and share:

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Your dreams aren't too big | What happens when we downgrade our dreams

C.S. Lewis once said:

“We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.”

This quote came to my mind recently when I created a monthly money goal and immediately thought “I don’t know if I can do that.”

I doubted myself, believed it would be hard to make THAT much money, and more. Oh, the drama.

Have you been there before?

The quality of your life is determined by the questions you ask yourself

As soon as I saw the mental drama for what it was, I chose to change the questions I was asking myself.

Instead of asking myself “is this even possible? I mean…do you have any proof you can do that this month?”

I asked myself: “how would I feel if I had already accomplished my money goal? It’s done. It’s in the past. How do I feel in this moment?”

I felt pride! I felt like my faith was proven right, even when I had no proof.

And I recognized that operating from the plane of possibility is what it takes to create something you’ve never created before.

As soon as I recognized this mindset shift, I asked myself this powerful question:

When did I decide that my dreams are lofty and unattainable?

Because, what if they aren’t? what if, in all actuality, my dreams are only big and difficult because I can’t imagine more than what I’ve created?

But what if what I’ve created is the equivalent of making mud pies in the streets and the truth is that what’s available to me is the holiday at the sea? Would I understand that my dreams aren’t too big…they’re really too small?

Why do we downgrade our dreams?

We want a 6-figure year…but then we feel the need to justify it. We explain why we want it…going so far as to attach some kind of huge charity endeavor to it to prove that we will still be good people if we make a lot of money.

We want the money…and then immediately feel shame, remembering all the times we tried and failed with a goal.

Changing our point of view to increase our abundance

But what we don’t understand is that there’s another entire universe. It’s here all around us and we’ve been blind.

While we were feeling like $10k months was too much, unnecessary, meant we were selfish, or was just hard to make happen, people all around us illustrated that wealth beyond our comprehension is all around us.

• People driving by you in cars that cost more than you make in a year.

• Someone carrying a handbag that costs more than you make in a month.

• People donating to charity more money than you think you can make in your whole lifetime.

While we’re explaining and justifying away our tiny dreams, the world is moving on, creating income we can even understand.

What if we defined our goals through the lens of infinite abundance instead of scarcity and impossibility

Beyond our finite world of predictable and logical, is the creator of an entire universe, who created mind-blowingly complex, illogically beautiful things….because the creator could. Because the creator of the universe is infinite creativity and unlimited potential.

What if we defined our dreams by a standard of what’s possible…not what’s predictable.

On the other side of the veil we’ve been seeing life through, is an entire world defined by abundance and possibility. A world where there’s no maximum to the amount you can charge or make because there will always be more.

The reality is…our biggest dreams are still a drop in the bucket compared to the limitless abundance, powerful creativity, and overflowing love of God.

So…what if your dream isn’t too big…what if it’s too small.

And…what if it works this time?

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Recommended program

for the woman ready to expand her business from the plane of possibility:

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