Am I upper limiting? How I recognized and overcame an upper limit

I'm learning that I'm my own worst enemy. I want success...but I'm starting to see that I'm often the only thing standing in my way. I saw that SO clearly yesterday while performing!

Recognizing my upper limit problem

I began doing vocal performance for events when I was 14 years old. I was an awkward teenager in a new school and assumed a lot of pressure on myself. I mentioned it here, but I had a habit of choking (literally) during my actual performances. I'd swallow a note (like...I'd totally make a "GLUG!" sound. Oh my word.) in EVERY song at about the 2/3 mark. I'd get sick before every performance-wake up with a cold, sore throat, sometimes a sinus infection, definitely lots of snot happenin'. I was pretty sure I couldn't sing...and I always pulled through, just not at my best. 

I started noticing this pattern develop in other areas of my life. Anytime I was faced with the decision to step forward, be seen, or be in a place to be critiqued publicly, I'd choke. This past fall, I tested an idea of launching a live event. Every time I was ready to actually tell the world "I'm doing this! Come to my event!" I'd wake up the day of the scheduled action with a nasty cold. 

At first I thought it was a coincidence, but then I started wondering if it was a form of self-sabotage! Who knows? It sounded so crazy to me, but I I figured it was worth knowing how I was standing in my own way. 

Learning about upper limits

I started reading The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks and within a few pages, I had a pretty clear picture of my self sabotage. From getting physically sick EVERY time I needed to step into the spotlight to messing up during my performance...every time, I saw that I just couldn't handle the level of success I was aiming for. My brain sensed the dissonance and tried to take one for the team and keep me safe. 

Breaking my upper limit

But I'm not staying safe this year. I'm moving fast and breaking things. I'm testing ideas, learning, making mistakes, and growing. So, this past sunday I began my first upper limit problem test!

I was scheduled to lead worship at my church and as I got there, my nerves set in. I felt the mucus building up in my throat and blocking my voice. I felt my throat tightening to the point that no sound would come out. And all of a sudden, I had a case of dry mouth like nothing I've ever experienced. I literally couldn't shape words. Images of past failures flooded my mind. Times when I completely FORGOT the words to our national anthem in a stadium filled with people, when my voice cracked on the big note, the countless times I choked on a noted and made that ridiculous "GLUG!" sound right into the mic. I could taste the hot lemon water I'd down, hoping it would stop my incessant throat clearing. 

Visualizing my ideal state 

And then I stopped listening to myself. I decided that I'm the thinker of my thoughts and it was time to choose a positive thought. As I sat on the hard stool under the spotlights, doing sound checks, I coached myself and it sounded like this: 
"hey! It's okay to feel scared! Everyone here loves you though. There's no pressure. Think of one time you sang your lungs out and felt no stress. You sang and you loved it. There was no pressure. Just singing."

And soon enough, I could see myself worshiping in church, singing, my mind lighting up with ideas for new sounds. My hands raised in heartfelt worship, tears streaming down my face. There was no pressure, there was only love and earnest, heartfelt singing. 

"there you go. Negative thoughts are easy. This year's not for easy, it's for breaking things. Focus on that thought. Only that thought. No pressure, no one telling you what not to do. Just sing."

And I sang. The sound that came out during sound checks was quite frankly awful. I squawked a flat few bars into the mic and immediately apologized to everyone, scratching my neck furiously and feeling so ashamed. 

"You know, it doesn't have to be this way, Steph. You can choose not to stay here. You can break the limit. You can JUST enjoy singing. You can be real and let it go. You don't need to clear your throat first. You're fine. Just sing."

And I tried again. I was a little surprised to hear a voice that had so little stress in it. I was used to covering my stress by manipulating and forcing the sound of my voice. But this sound rang out true and clear! I actually startled myself, then I tried again.

Taking the big leap

"There you go! Now, leap. You can have more. You can have better. You have something to say. Don't wait. Don't ask permission. Just sing. Invite people in."

And I did. Everytime I felt the panic rise, I pictured myself in that ideal state, singing with abandon and joy. I sang. I smiled. I shared important things with people I loved. 

And I made the leap.

Have you ever experienced an upper limit problem in your life? Comment below: what are the signs that you're reaching your upper limit in an area? Do you get sick? Pick a fight with someone you're perfectly happy with? start thinking negative thoughts in an otherwise peaceful situation? Create a problem?

The 2021 Coaching Industry Trend Report

I've always been able to spot patterns in human behavior.
I don't know if it's because I'm a human design reflector or it's something unique to me...but it's something I've always been able to do. Reflectors are a very uncommon personality and we're known for our deep wisdom. One of my superpowers is observing trends and patterns most can't see.

And today, I'm sharing my first ever Coaching Industry Trend Report. After a year of global change, we’re bound to see some changes rippling through our industry-and industry I love and care about. The most successful people are the ones who can modify themselves and adapt to change.

I share these trends with you to empower you to trust yourself, innovate, and experience your own vision board life this year. So if you like to be in the know, here’s what I see coming for 2021 and beyond:

The 2021 coaching industry trend report

Trend 1 | Less proving ourselves & more leading ourselves

Over the past decade, value based marketing strategies have dominated the coaching industry. The idea behind this approach has been this idea that if we give someone a taste of our content, they’ll trust and hire us. This led to people feeling that in order to ask for money, they needed to first prove themselves.

But the reality has always been true that buying decisions aren’t made with logic, they’re made instantaneously and in the intuitive or emotional centers. Buying is emotional and after a year of raw, untended emotions, I think we’re going to see the value and logic based approach ("do these 3 thing to be successful" “the X strategies to grow your list fast,”) and less convincing replaced by a more honest, intuitive, and story-telling marketing approach.

I foresee that the most successful coaches in the coming years will be the ones who are their own success stories. Look for the coach who leads herself and calibrates all her circumstances back to her instead of letting them tell her who she is. She’s strong and unapologetic in her approach. And she leads the way in marketing trends we’ve never seen before-choosing not to prove herself, but rather share herself.

Trend 2 | Less copy/paste business programs

Teaching a skill will always be needed. We always need to learn new things. However, knowledge is not power, it’s only potential power.

Let’s talk about competence

Have you ever found a coach who you feel like coaches in an effortless way? She’s just masterful at facilitating breakthroughs and makes it all look so easy?

That effortless style of coaching is unconscious competence in action. It’s dedication to a skill for so long that you can perform a skill with complete mastery in an unconscious way. It’s almost more of a reaction than a thoughtful set of actions.

My trend prediction

I predict the coaches in the industry who’ve built their business on the foundation of teaching a skill, like list building, or lead generation are going to see a diminishing return over the next year plus as self-trust and compentency takes the industry by storm.

And thank God, honestly. Instead of programs boasting duplicatable marketing that lack genuine soul, the best selling techniques that still feel sleezy, or lead-gen systems that conflict with our values, We'll see a growing trend of coaches showing people how to become an unconscious competent in their skills and learning to trust themselves and their unique perspective.

Coaching people into unconscious competence is masterful work and you'll only see this from highly skilled coaches. They’re the ones you’ll want to be learning from.

Trend 3 | Coaching rates increasing exponentially

The coaches who can teach people how to become an unconscious competent in their unique skill set is one of the worlds most sought after skills by the elite successful people in this world. Why? When you’re an unconscious competent, you’re exhibiting such mastery that you can scale your income without a limit.

These coaches will have the freedom to raise rates in a big way. Their client results speak so loudly that demand will be high for this type of coach, driving rates up exponentially. If you see this kind of coach, act now. Chances are in a year, their rates will be exponentially higher.

Trend 4 | a Growing focus on integrity

Coaching is a famously unregulated field. Anyone can choose to call themselves a coach and charge money to share their wisdom…no matter how qualified they really are. That’s the beauty of this industry, honestly. And it can be one of the biggest pain points of many certified or trained coaches.

We'll see a growing desire for integrity in the coaching industry, which is wonderful. But beware of polarizing or reactionary coaches who like to "rant” about problems in the industry or confuse boundaries with a lack of transparency.

Remember: people who cling to and defend their point of view are likely living in fear. And what they live in is where they lead you.

Instead, look for coaches here who challenge themselves to be their own success story and encourage an atmosphere of personal excellence.

Trend 5 | More transparency and connection based programs

In the past I’ve felt deeply unhappy with my mastermind investments because I didn’t know to look for one important thing. I’d sign up with a person who lacked transparency or fully hid how they were creating the result I desired. I realized I’d signed up to be mentored by a woman who refused to let people in or would project their insecurities onto their clients then gaslight them.

At first, I thought “if that’s who I have to be to have a million dollar coaching business, I won’t do it. But I learned instead how important it is to me to be mentored by someone who gets results I want to get the way I want to get them. Since then, I’ve happily invested to work with women who believe that they get stand in their power, share their honest approach, and have healthy, empowered boundaries. And it’s been life-changing.

While information-focused programs (like the mastermind I joined focused on launching) will still be popular-remember, knowledge is potential power-masterminds are about to explode in a big way as people recognize how much they’ve missed human connection and community.

I believe over the next few years, the highest priced programs will be about connection and transparency instead of information.

How to choose a mastermind:

Masterminds will be dime a dozen. If you're joining a mastermind, I’d recommend that you find a leader who you resonate with-look for a person who’s getting results you’d like to get in a way you’d like to get them.

those I recognized a long time ago that I’m looking for a coach who’s making the income I desire to make with a spacious schedule and an intuitive approach, not rigorous discipline and rigid rules. Once I learned this about myself, all my investments have paid off multiple times over

Trend 6 | mental health and bias trauma de-stigmatized

In 2021 and beyond, we're going to see mental health destigmatized in an even bigger way than ever before. We’ll also see ourselves normalize and welcome the BIPOC community sharing their experiences with racial bias and racial trauma.

We’re already seeing this to a certain extent, but don’t be surprised to hear many coaches begin sharing their mental health journey, including their experiences with depression, anxiety, medication, and more.

Remember-not every happy face is happy. As people share their experiences, learn to embrace their honesty and look up to their resilience more so than admiring their happy smile and pretty life. And let this reassure you that you're not alone in your experience. I also predict that we’ll start seeing a growing trend in tv shows with themes around therapy/therapists and mental health.

Trend 7 | Less burnout and more self-trust

Every business goes through seasons-some are busy and full and others are slower and more introspective. But for over a decade, the industry has been dominated by aggressive white men who preach a gospel of “discipline” in order to ten ex your results. But what they’re really saying is “masculine energy is the only way to be successful.” and “If you’re tired, push through. your effort will pay off.”

I predict that the day will come when powerful, feminine success stories will dominate the horizon. I see a world where women make loads of money leveraging the magnetism that is feminine energy. Where women are considered powerful, not for emulating masculine ways, but instead fully embracing their feminine magic.

And the new gospel will be one of rest. receiving. And reassurance that you can create the life you want the way you want it.

Trend 8 | More representation

I’ve saved the most important “trend” for last. It’s not really a trend, just a necessity. In the coming years, we’re going to see BIPOC people safely step into their divine purpose. Unlike ever before, we’ll see the rise of the wealthy, powerful, feminine black woman and it will become standard…as it should. Coaching will no longer be dominated by aggressive white men. I don’t know about you, but I’m ready for this. It’s long overdue. And I’m excited to participate in turning the tide toward equity and representation.

Comment and share the trend you see coming to the coaching world over the coming year:

How to recognize fear in your life

If there’s one thing that holds photographers and creative entrepreneurs back from stepping into the dream they have for their business, it’s fear. From worry all the way to anxiety, Fear has a pretty big spectrum…but a pretty similar end result-inaction. Safety. And dreams remaining dreams. Isn’t that kinda sad to think about?

So, dreamer. Are you reader to become a doer? The first step is to learn to spot fear in your life. Here are 6 of the most common manifestations of fear-do any stand out to you?

How to recognize fear in YOUR life and business

I’m listing the 6 most common forms of fear below. Oddly enough-they come in pairs-either because one escalates into another (i.e.-worry/anxiety; avoidance/self-sabotage) OR because they are complimentary fears (safety mechanisms/defense mechanisms)

Worry

Fear of the unknown takes a toll on your physical body. Letting your mind run wild in the realm of the unknown is not what your beautiful brain was meant for! And it’s gonna show in your physical body.

From tooth grinding and headaches, to ulcers and acid reflux, your body wasn’t meant to live in a chronic state of worry. While you can technically live with these symptoms IF they stay at this level…chances are they will progress into:

Anxiety

Worry manifesting itself in our physical bodies with symptoms that delve into panic reactions. When you struggle with anxiety, your body is literally pumping the breaks to keep you out of the situations that cause you this anxiety.

Our bodies move into the fight or flight stage in anxiety and amp up physical symptoms to breathing issues, muscle tightening, erratic behavior, and more. These are symptoms you can no longer live with. Something needs to change immediately when you’re experiencing anxiety symptoms.

Sound’s fun, right? Let’s talk about a different side of fear:

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Avoidance

Quite simply, avoidance is that person who, when they hear anything that stresses them out, plugs their ears and sings “lalalalalalala!” until it stops. You know you’ve seen a grown adult do this! This is fear. Avoiding stressors comes from a belief that what you fear must be avoided. Bad things happen when you feel fear, so avoid it, sometimes at all costs.

This person is likely the one changing the subject abruptly at the dinner table, likes to please people and can’t afford to have someone upset with them.

Self-sabotage/self-destructive behaviors

Paired with avoidance is self-sabotage and self-destructive behaviors. It’s a “walk the plank” mentality when you realize you have to face something stressful or fearful. Since you believe you can’t handle the stress, when you realize you have no choice but to face it, you take the approach that you’re about to go down in flames. You often find yourself doing the very things you know you shouldn’t, wondering “whyyyyyyy am I doing/saying this??”

Have you seen a small child walk over to a hot stove, touch it and cry? My immediate thought is “oof, that’s a tough way to learn a lesson!” But how do you feel if the child, still crying, goes and touches the stove again? I’m thinking in my head “WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT, YOU KNOW IT’S GOING TO HURT YOU!” That’s how self-sabotage looks from the outside in.

From messing up a business deal, triggering an argument when you were happy with your spouse, coworker, or business partner, to forgetting equipment for a job, etc. the “I’ll probably just mess it up” mindset is basically predicting that you WILL.

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Coping mechanisms

Just like a child sucking his thumb or reach for his favorite stuffed animal to help him fall asleep, we as adults can develop soothing behaviors to help us feel safe again when we’re scared. They’re not entirely bad-in fact, knowing how to take care of yourself when you are feeling scared is a key piece of self care.

Sometimes we get pushed headlong into the scary stuff before we’ve had space to see how we handle it and we grasp and something that soothes a base human need. The danger that often follows coping mechanisms is that when we learn to cope with something stressful or scary, we start to retreat. We lower our tolerance for stress or scary stuff and reach for a coping mechanism faster with each stress trigger.

It’s pretty common to find that coping leads to addictive or highly patterned behaviors. Some common ones include spending money, disordered eating (this is a big one for us women), and sexual issues, to addictive substances or workaholic tendencies.These behaviors make you feel safe when you otherwise felt vulnerable or scared.

Defense mechanisms

While coping mechanisms are the flight side of dealing with fear, defense mechanisms are the fight side. You know you’re can’t run from it. So you prepare for battle.

Defense mechanisms are ways in which you defend or protect yourself from difficult situations-these situations can be as simple as unwanted situations all the way to trauma triggers.

If you’re living in a place of defense mechanisms, you’re probably thinking through worst case scenarios, practicing responses, protecting your work, or even picking a fight so you can lay someone open with harsh words or criticism.

Of all the behaviors, defensive, protective behavior is by far the most painful to others. Like a wounded animal, a defensive person will snap and bite at you if you get too close to their pain. This person needs some pretty significant help and needs you to be extra careful around them lest you get hurt in the process.

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*I want to be sensitive to the fact that fear often has a reason for living in you. And sometimes that reason is rooted in real, painful life circumstances. If that’s you, I just want to take a moment to honor you and let you know that you didn’t deserve the trauma you experienced. You are so worthy of healing and you are so worthy of having support. You are beautiful and brave.*

What does fear sound like?

Fear often starts with two little words- “what if?” Those words mean you’re living in a potential reality. And quite frankly, if you don’t learn to let go of these thoughts, it will become your actual reality. Why? Like attracts like. In this case? Worry attracts in more things to worry about.

“what if this fails?” (remember that fixed mindset stuff from some of my early blog posts?”

“what if I can’t?”

“I know what’s going to happen if…”

“I need to protect my self…”

“just in case (X) happens, I’m going to…”

“I’ll probably just mess it up.”

“What if they think…?”

“I’m not cut out for this”

“I can’t”

Conclusion

We all experience fear. And we all deal with it the best we know how-after all, we’re all just doing the best we can.

We may deal with fear in the form of worry or even anxiety, or we might avoid fear, trying to stay in our happy place until we’re forced to face our fears and then we self-sabotage, bringing our fears to life. Maybe you’re not in either of those categories, but instead, you deal with fear through coping mechanisms. You can’t avoid fear, but this helps you remove yourself from it.

Perhaps you’re one of the people who often feels defensive and a little compative when in a scary situation, leaning on defense mechanisms to get you through. If that’s you, you’re not alone. You’re not terrible. And you’re not stuck.

Coming soon, I’ll share some psychology and NLP based ways to deal with fear in a healthy way.

We’re all just doing the best we can!

What did you learn about fear? Did something specific resonate with you? Leave a comment and share. This small, brave move may help you let go of fears in your life!

Your past is a shadow, not your prison | intuitive life lessons

This morning, I sat in my living room, playing with my 7 month old son, and feeling so happy. The sun was streaming into our room, he was happy, I had gotten a full night of sleep, and nostalgia as I remembered that today was pregnancy and infant loss awareness day.

Memories of my past as shadows

Two years ago, I was between miscarriages. I was about to get pregnant for the second time this time two years ago. I remember how shattered my world felt for a season. And as I sat playing with my perfect baby in the most beautiful home, surrounded by sunlight, I was filled with gratitude. I felt a twinge of sadness, but it was different this time. I didn’t own my sadness. I felt it come into my heart, like a stranger, then leave, like a whisp of steam.

At first I felt concerned-does this mean I’m pushing away those feelings? Or, maybe, just maybe, this is a sign that I’m healing.

As I thought about the fleeting visit from grief, I saw a beautiful shadow on my wall. The beautiful sunlight streaming had hit a vase of branches in my living room, creating a beautiful play of shadows dancing on my wall. The shadows danced for such a quick minute-I ran to get my camera and they had already changed!

And then it hit me. The reason that I loved the sunlight streaming into my living room was because of the beautiful shadows it created. You see, there’s beauty in the shadows, the difficult times in our lives. They are gone so quickly, but while they’re there, they help us see the light so much more.

Your past as a prison

The shadows don’t actually exist. They’re just a mirage-when we treat them as our current reality, we are choosing to live as a shadow. And our shadows become our prisons. Trade in the prison of your past for light.

Dear one reading this today, step back from the shadows of your life and take a look at them. Why are they there? They’re there to remind you that you’re alive. That YOU are standing in the sunlight.

So, turn and face the light.

You’ve been staring at the shadows for so long that you have forgotten what the sun on your face feels like. Turn your back on the shadows, not the light. For the shadows will come and go. But the light stays.

It’s time to turn and face the sun and let the shadows fall behind you.

When the memories of past hurts or dark seasons of grief come back to your life, don’t shove them away or greet them with fear. Welcome the grief like a long lost friend coming for dinner. She’s not staying. But she’s there for a reason. Sit with her for a minute, understand her, and ask her what she wants you to know.

Could it simply be that your past wants you to remember that it’s a shadow, not a prison?

Thank you to Bekah of Sankalpa Life Yoga and Wellness for the life-giving conversation that inspired this post. (If you aren’t following Bekah on instagram, do it now. You’ll feel her beauty and strength in each post.)

3 business lessons I learned from making sandwiches | Madison, WI business coaching

It’s rainy and cold. What do you make for dinner?

Tomato soup and grilled cheese-it’s a classic! And that’s just what I did a few weeks ago. An easy meal, perfect for a chilly gray day. Until I burned the life out of the grilled cheese. facepalm. But, as soon as I flipped those charred sammies, I knew exactly what I was supposed learn-like a big thunk on my forehead from God.

I’m getting really stinkin’ good at learning lessons in my everyday activities-so good, in fact, that I will often call Stephen while drive just two miles away to the store to share something I learned! I’ve been keeping a little list of those lessons-here’s the first one:

3 business lessons I learned from making grilled cheese sandwiches

Don’t overthink things

A grilled cheese is one of the simplest food items you can make. Seriously, bread, cheese, butter. But the last time I made a grilled cheese, the outside was dark and the cheese wasn’t super melty, so I decided to look up a recipe.

(I doubted myself)

Then I decided to zhouzh up the sandwich with a yummy spread.

(I wanted to create the best possible product)

All I could think was “Oh, I hope Stephen’s super impressed with my gourmet grilled cheese!” I spent so much time concerned about his opinion of these dumb sandwiches that I overthought every step. How to butter the bread. How to get them that perfect golden-brown. How to get the cheese gooey.

(I was frantically attached to an outcome)

As I ooooooverthought each step, I got the opposite result from what I wanted. A charred sandwich that no one wanted.

Sometimes, the more we try to make something perfect for someone, the more prone we are to make mistakes. We overcomplicate things. We get stuck in a vortex of adding…and never actually finishing. And we overthink an otherwise simple job.

How to fix an overthinking problem

How can you take action on something you know you’ve been overthinking? What do you just need to put out into the world that you’re currently overthinking and you know it?

Hit publish.

Hit record.

Click send.

And stop overthinking it.

Make the best product you can without overthinking it.

Learn to focus

I was so busy stirring soup, refreshing my phone screen, reading the recipe, adding ingredients, and checking temps that, without thinking, I added olive oil to my pan (mistake #1). I then let the oil overheat (mistake #2). When I laid down the already buttered bread, the smoking oil burned the bread on contact.

You see, there’s a looooot of our brain that runs on auto pilot to conserve energy. I mean, our brains burn somewhere around 80% of our total daily calories, so that smart lil thing wants to put itself on cruise every chance it can.

In my case, I had wayyyy too many things happening at once. I maxed out my thinking capacity, and parts of my brain started conserving energy by running on autopilot. What do I normally do when I take out my skillet? I add oil. I didn’t even have to think-I just did it, even though it wasn’t what I needed for this job.

Here’s the thing-There are SO many times in our businesses that we’re trying to do WAY too many things at once and, in the process, we over complicate simple jobs. We overthink things that should be easy, and we don’t get things done because we keep thinking of something to fix or reword.

You’ll know when to flip-taking action intuitively

The last lesson came after I remade the dang sandwiches. I tuned out distractions, stopped caring about what Stephen thought about my sandwiches, and just started making them.

In fact, I stayed focused while they toasted in the pan. I didn’t scroll on my phone. I just stood there. I wanted to give my intuition the chance to nudge me and it did! All of a sudden, I had a feeling that it was time to flip the sandwiches. I lifted the corners and they were perfect!

And in that moment, I realized that a lot of business is like that. When you get quiet, focus, and listen to your intuition, you’ll know exactly when it’s time to take action, release a new product, launch a course, unroll a new service.

So, how can you find a way to get quiet in your life and business so you can listen to your intuition?

Overcoming client objections | How I overcame the "I can't afford you" objection and made an extra $15k

You get an inquiry in your inbox-YESSSSS, this is it! You hit it off big time in that first call or meeting and feel confident they will book with you.

Until…they don’t.

Of course it’s a jolting halt when you hear them say something like “Thanks for your time! We loved meeting you but have decided to go with someone else who’s a better fit for our budget.”

Wait...WHAT? Painful, right? But not permanent. Lemme show you some cool tools to help you overcome every price objection.

My Results

I’m going to share with you the very tips I’ve used to book clients, adding an extra $15k to my yearly income in 2017 that I would have otherwise walked away from. Income that other photographers DID walk away from. And income that got me major publicity and multiple referral bookings.

You see, I wasn’t afraid when a client had their Manhattan based attorney mark up my contract, hoping I’d agree to give away my copyright. I knew just what to do when a potential client told me their budget was $1,500 less than my starting rates…but they had my dream event. And I wasn’t afraid when a client told me they were deciding between me and one other photographer.

And that’s why I made an extra $15,000 last year. I mean...would you like an extra $15k this year? Read on:

What’s an objection?

Quite simply, an objection is something that prevents clients from booking with you. Sometimes they let you know…often times they don’t. That’s normal and shouldn’t feel frustrating. Today, we’re specifically talking about clients who might not book with you because you’re out of their budget. How do you turn them around into paying clients?

Uncover pricing objections early

This might seem kinda obvious, but, sometimes we forget that finding objections is on US not the client. So, asking the right questions is key to finding the objections you can then overcome.You can’t deal with an objection if you haven’t asked what they are. Don’t let fear hold you back-ask the questions!

Here are 3 valuable questions to ask to uncover your clients’ objections:

Are all the decision makers on this call right now? (if not...you’re not going to book them!)

Is there any reason you wouldn’t be able to book with me right now?

What would make this offer work for you?

Understand what “I can’t afford it really means

When a client says they can’t afford your offer, it’s pretty rare that that’s the real issue. That’s just what they think you might understand. Yeah, money may be at play, but underneath of that, clients often have 2 big needs you’d have to meet in order to book:

Budget = a fear of intimacy

in SO MANY cases, the excuse “i can’t afford it,” is covering up your clients fear of intimacy. Making a serious investment means they’re showing up for their biggest dreams. They’re allowing someone in, and they’re putting a stake in the ground and saying “hey, I am so worth it!”

If your client is struggling with a fear of intimacy, use the “ask why 5 times” method (don’t know what that is? Shoot me an email and I’ll break it down) and prepare to touch on something emotional. Give them permission to feel what they need to feel, affirm that you can give them the important thing they are looking for, and then move into the action step of booking.

Does your offer meet their basic needs?

A few years ago, I was shopping for a computer. I was seriously considering switching from apple to windows and had someone tell me about each system.

The person who told me about the Windows system overloaded me with features. Fancy things the computer could do, bells and whistles. I was impressed, for sure. But want to know why I didn’t buy a windows based system? Because they didn’t answer my one question:

How do I move between desktop screens? Suuuuuuuch a simple question, right? And it was the exact question that lost that person the sale. Why?

He didn’t take care of my actual needs AND he overcomplicated things.

Are you doing this with your clients?

The 6 core human needs and your offer

Creating an offer that actually meets your clients needs is the starting place for any offer. The shiny things come afterward.

Tony Robbins talks about 6 core needs we all have. Understanding these needs will help you know how to tailor your offer to your clients.

Take time to listen to your clients, try to identify their biggest needs from the sliding scale below, and find ways to meet those needs.

Do they need certainty?

Show them a gallery from their venue, show them results you’ve gotten someone, show them an outline of how you’d work together, get that engagement session on the calendar.

Do they need love & connection?

Send them tips/tricks you saw on their favorite blog “just because you were thinking about them.” Send them a beautiful gift, a handwritten card, etc. Find a way to show them you care, you understand, and you are there for them.

Do they need Growth?

Share your process with them-invite them in and create a collaborative atmosphere that nurtures their growth. Instead of telling them your ideas, ask for theirs. And keep reminding them of the growth they’re experiencing because of your work together. Look for ways to track and measure that growth and find ways to celebrate it with that person.

Price objections are a mirror for your inner beliefs about money

Here’s one of the most powerful take aways of this whole article: your price objections could simply be a MIRROR for how much you’re saying “I can’t afford it.”

This feels kinda hard to admit, but when I’m hearing a lot of money objections in my business, chances are, it’s because I’m saying it a lot.

Wait...what??

Yeah! Your outer world simply mirrors your inner world! And until you take radical responsibility for your inner world, you’ll be a victim to your outer world.

Here’s the thing-Money is just energy. It goes where it’s wanted and welcomed. And it doesn’t go where it’s neglected and resented. Chances are, those bummer words from a potential client are the universe simply echoing your OWN words back at you!

Chances are, you’re in a place where you feel stuck in your business. You need help getting unstuck, getting inspired, getting unafraid. But you don’t know how you’d pay for it, so you say “I can’t afford it,” “it's out of my budget,” or “I can’t make the numbers work.”

It’s such a hard place to be in-to feel like you know what you need but can’t have it. You’re NOT alone if you feel that way. And there is a solution.

Are you ready for the solution?

You need to go spend money on something you’ve either told yourself or been told was too expensive. This is especially powerful if you can connect with something you were told you couldn’t have due to money when you were between the ages of 0-7 years old.

I’ll be sharing how I did this exact thing over on instagram stories and how it helped my business today on instagram stories.

Chances are, you’ll find that breaking that spending ceiling in a strategic, intentional, and mindful way will bring clients in faster afterward.

Mourning motherhood | What no one told me about becoming a new mama

Before having Ansel, my 12 week old son, Stephen and I were married for 5 years. We traveled all over the world, enjoyed lengthy conversations together whenever we wanted to. We cheered each other on in some significant personal growth journeys. We learned who we are, we bought and sold houses, we made and lost money. And at the end of each day, we'd snuggle up together and then fall asleep holding hands. There wasn't a day that went by that we didn't snuggle for a few minutes and fall asleep holding hands. 

We were best friends. We were lovers. And we were people we'll never be again. 

It wasn't too long after having Ansel that the realization hit me like a ton of bricks. Our life together would literally never be the same again. People often said that to me with a romanticized tone, "You're pregnant? awwwww, that just changes your whole life. You're life will never be the same!" Like it would open my eyes to so much love and goodness. 

But then I realized what they meant. My life. would NEVER. be the same. AGAIN. 

And in the early morning hours of another sleepless night, I mourned. 

I mourned the Stephanie that could exercise whenever she wanted to. I mourned the Stephanie that could hop over to a coffee shop to have a spontaneous date with her husband. I mourned the Stephanie that would spend time enjoying putting on her makeup. I mourned the Stephanie that had no one else to really think about but herself and her (completely autonomous) husband. I mourned the Stephanie that got to sleep when she wanted to and shower when she wanted to. The girl that got to go on a walk by herself anytime she cared to, could work whenever and however she wanted to. The girl completely unencumbered by nap times, childcare, and feeding schedules. And I mourned the loss of our nightly snuggle time and falling asleep holding hands. 

There's so much beauty in motherhood, there really is. But no one told me that I might mourn the loss of who I was before having a baby. That I'd never be that girl again. Never have the same marriage again. I just had no clue I'd feel that way and the weight of that loss made me feel so confused and guilty. 

"But...isn't motherhood what I've been yearning for?"

"I lost 2 babies. Shouldn't I just be grateful to have this perfect little baby in my arms finally?"

"shouldn't I feel happy?"
"isn't it bad that I feel this grief?"

"Is it wrong that I miss being able to work and wish I could do that more than be with my screaming newborn?"

The guilt of becoming a new mom can be incredibly overwhelming. I literally felt this paralyzing guilt for every move I made. As my business mentor once illustrated for me, it was like carrying around a handful of balloons. I had to shower with them, get in the car with them, go to Target with them, and go to bed holding onto them. 

Holding a handful of balloons is hard. It's awkward. It's cumbersome. I mean, have you tried to get into a car wrangling a bunch of balloons? That's what momguilt feels like. 

And honestly, the solution is so simple, I walked right over it a thousand times. 

Let the balloons go. Let them go. Release it. Watch it float away. 

And as I released the guilt, I decided a few things: 

I wasn't going to let anyone else's voices create questions or guilt in my mind. I felt loss. So I decided to first grieve.

I felt confused and hormonal. So I decided to give myself space to figure it out and not have the answers. I kept tissues close at all times and didn't wear mascara because there was a high liklihood that I'd be crying soon.

I felt disconnected. So I cried, I talked with Stephen, we shared, and we began finding new ways to reconnect in this new, completely tumultuous time. And I allowed myself to be okay with learning how to love a new human-despite what I thought, it wasn't this magical instant connection. It was intuitive, yeah. But wasn't instant. I had to learn how we relate to each other and learn how to fall in love with him too. And I did. 

I missed my work, so I grieved and journaled when I could, dreaming of a time when I was doing the sacred work that ignites my soul. I allowed myself to relax into the reality that there was enough time and would be enough time for me to do what I was called to do in my work.

I mean, I missed wearing clothes that didn't have spit up on them. So I bought new shirts, and did laundry a little more often.

I mourned becoming a mother. No one told me I might feel that way. And if you do, know that it's okay. It's a massive life change. And you'll never be the same again. And as I said goodbye to that girl, terrified as to what life would look like moving forward, struggling with a sense of regret, and feeling so overwhelmed by all the life changes I was experiencing, I started seeing something beautiful. 

Because of this new identity, I was becoming someone more beautiful. I started seeing in myself a strength I never knew i had. I started believing in myself, caring for and loving this sacred body I have, trusting, and resting. I started letting go of resistance, trusting my intuition, and reveling in gratitude. 

And as I did, some incredible things started to happen. I started seeing clients and money flow into my life with ease. I started being present-looking my son in the eyes as I fed him instead of frantically creating a social media post. And I started seeing magic everywhere. 

Just like my son lays in his crib and cries, knowing that he'll be fed but doing nothing to bring that food to himself, I started to say what I wanted and let it come to me in childlike trust. And I started celebrating a life that felt good. 

If you're approaching motherhood, hear me when I say this: Motherhood is so different for everyone. But if you feel grief, it's okay. lean into it for a bit and ask for help. And look for the magic. You'll start seeing it everywhere.