"I don't have time to be thankful!" | What to do when you feel too busy for gratitude

This time of year can be pretty tricky. It’s a time when our personal life naturally expands and needs more attention, so it would be convenient if our business life contracted a bit to make room for your personal life-holidays, parties, family gatherings, events. You name it.

Sometimes that doesn’t happen though.

And then we get super-stressed out, which really stinks.

And all of this happens right before a holiday when we’re supposed to focus on thankfulness, right?

I personally have felt like “being thankful” was just another thing to add to my to-do list.

But…that doesn’t feel good. I mean…why even worry about being thankful anyway? I’ve been mulling this thought over in my mind.

Here’s what gratitude isn’t

I hear the Sunday school answers of “there are starving children in Africa. You should be thankful for a roof over your head and the food on your plate!”

And I also hear the inner sassy kid response of “ send them my food then cuz I don’t want it.”

In the past, gratitude hasn’t actually been gratitude. It’s been a to-do item, a sign I’m not who I “should” be because I’m not grateful, and ultimately something I resisted.

But over the past few years, I’ve seen how gratitude is a state of BEING not a state of DOING. Its something I feel, observe, and receive.

So, instead of approaching the holiday as most do, rushing around like crazy, stressed and overwhelmed, then smoothing my hair down, and sitting at the thanksgiving table saying “Today I’m thankful for…” with a forced smile

I’m doing something different. It’s time to flip the thanksgiving script and I’m showing you how.

I regularly run science lab style experiments on my mindset. I know-I get super nerdy about mindset! but I’m running an experiment AND sharing it for you to join in or just observe

Next week I’ll be running The Gratitude Experiment on instagram and I want you there.

What’s the Gratitude Experiment?

A 5 day experiment testing the hypothesis “gratitude makes my life better.”

(but does it really?) Each day, I’ll share a post, go live at 11 am CST (except on Thanksgiving), and host a group chat for you to share your experiment results.

Here's the thing...

• I know it’s a holiday week

• And you might think I’m crazy for doing this during a holiday.

But...I think there couldn’t be a better time to run this experiment.

I have a hypothesis that I’m going to see gratitude all around me on Black Friday where I used to only see unkindness and scarcity minded people frantically shopping.

And really, what’s the worst that could happen?

You don’t prove your hypothesis?

That’s no big deal, right?

But...chances are, you’ll experience more gratitude and love, see it all around you, and have more reasons to say “thank you” because you’re receiving kind gestures from random strangers.

Join me and see if you agree.

P.S.-looking for a coach to help you start 2020 strong? I'm accepting new 1:1 clients for January. Fill out acoaching application hereto see if you qualify for my 1:1 coaching

Are you playing jenga with your business? | How to see a fixed mindset in your business

The game of Jenga and your business

Have you ever played a game of Jenga? I always loved that game-every move was so full of suspense. I was the girl that ruined the game for everyone because I’d scream really loudly when the Jenga tower would topple.

Someone’s mom would get mad about the screaming, shut it down, and then everyone would give me the stink eye.

No matter what I did, I couldn’t help it! I loved the thrill of seeing how high we could build the tower before it toppled.

Little did I know that I’d get the same thrill in my business.

The only thing you can count on in a game of jenga is that the tower WILL topple. It’s inevitable.

How I created a business filled with avoidance

And, I learned that operating my business from a place of avoidance was the same as playing a game of Jenga. My business would topple.

Why?

Because I kept pulling out my own foundation by avoiding all the things I was scared of or overwhelmed by and only doing things that looked good from the outside. Pretty soon my business had no legs to stand on. I ran my business right into the ground because of avoidance. My husband had no clue that the things he passed off to me to do were just being added to tomorrow’s to-do list. Every. Day. for eight months.

It only took 8 months to realize that my really tall tower was wobbling. I had gotten us publications around the world. I had gotten us opportunities to shoot in other countries, meet people that were where we wanted to be. Grow our instagram numbers. Isn’t that success?

It was a wobbling Jenga tower and it was about to crash down. Why? Because I learned that:

You can’t go for very long avoiding the emails because you don’t know how to answer them.

You can’t go very long avoiding an unhappy client because you’re scared if you bring it up they’ll leave you a bad review.

You can’t go very long avoiding your profit and loss reports because you don’t know how to use quickbooks...and you’re afraid of the truth they hold.

You can’t go very far without building your network because you’re scared that everyone’s better than you.

You can’t build a business without asking for the sale

You can’t hope people will book you because they like you so much that you don’t have to differentiate yourself

You can’t hope that someone else will just do the hard stuff for you

You can’t eat away the fear

You can’t starve away the fear

You can’t scroll away the fear

You can’t pleasure away the fear.

You can’t avoid the fear.

Here’s the thing. If you run your business from a place of avoidance, it can grow. Just like a Jenga tower, you’ll have false hope that your business is growing. You’ll feel like the avoidance is something that doesn’t really matter-it’s not really a problem, right?

But all you’re doing is pulling from the bottom to add to the top. You’re pulling out your very foundation to make the tower look taller.

You’re celebrating instagram followers and engagement when you don’t have customers

You’re celebrating a publication or feature when you don’t have visibility

You’re celebrating your portfolio when you have no message

You’re celebrating your success when you have no time to enjoy your life

And pretty soon, you’ll find yourself watching the whole thing topple.

How my Jenga business toppled

I didn’t realize my Jenga tower was toppling until I was photographing a wedding during my second pregnancy. I was experiencing horrible cramping and working with some of the most unkind vendors I’ve ever worked with. I was working in the most extreme conditions-the longest timeline, the most extreme cold temperatures, and deepest physical pain.

And I started to wonder if I was losing the baby I hadn’t told anyone about yet.

I was in so much pain, I could barely stand and was being monitoring by an overbearing contractor who decided it was her job to make sure I was constantly busy. I kept stepping away to stretch my back because I couldn’t stand up straight-I knew something was wrong.

And she kept searching for me and giving me menial tasks. I started asking myself if all the work I’d put into my business was worth this moment, eating a cold, gummy pasta salad after 10 hours of hard work, not being able to take care of myself and being micromanaged by someone who was overcompensating for their insecurity by bossing people around. This felt like the lowest moment of my business.

The next morning, my worst nightmare came true for the second time. After one of the most trying events of my life, I lost my second baby.

It was during that time that I realized that none of what I’d built really mattered because all I was left with at the end of it was avoidance, fear, resentment and pain.

I had built a business that looked good on the outside, but that I frantically wanted to escape from.

The pain of avoidance

It doesn’t have to be that way,  you know. You don’t have to run your business from that place of avoidance.

You don’t have to carry around that tattered rotating to-do list of things you said you’d do yesterday but avoided. You don’t have to make a new set of goals, hoping they’ll fix you. You don’t have to dread tax time, not having a clue what your numbers are. You don’t have to dread your sales calls because you don’t know if anyone will actually book you.

The beauty of being scared

You don’t need to be anything BUT scared. I’m giving you permission to be scared. You don’t need to change how you feel in order to do the scary things. Scary isn’t a sign that something is wrong. So just go do it, my love.

Do it anyway

Do it scared

Do it unsure

Do it without it all figured out

Do it and cringe afterward

Do it and facepalm

Do it and get back up

But just do it.

Do you know you’re still beautiful when you’re scared? You’re still worthy? And you’re still successful? It’s not the fear that’s the problem, its avoiding fear that created the Jenga business in the first place.

You can’t increase your site traffic if you never publish that first cringeworthy post.

What is one brave step you can take today that will move you from avoidance into action? You can do this-I’m cheering you on!

7 Signs of a Scarcity Mindset

I’ve been on quite the mindset journey over the past several years-maybe you’ve been around to see my transformation firsthand. If you haven’t, lemme break it down for ya:

I used to live with a mindset that success is a fixed trait you’re born with. I could only do things that I knew I’d be 100% successful at or I’d have to live with the confirmation that I was a failure.

I also lived with a crippling belief that everything I needed and wanted was outside myself. It was not for me. And it was a limited quantity that I had to get to before someone else. You might call that competitive, but that’s not really true. It’s scarcity. Scarcity is the belief that everything you want or need is in a limited quantity and you either have to get to it first or you completely miss out because someone else got your resource first. It’s most prevalent in people’s beliefs around money, but it really relates to EVERYTHING in life!

Scarcity is a completely sucky way to live. But it’s not permanent. I’ve been on a transformational journey of finding abundance in my life and now my norm is abundant living and thinking. An abundance mindset believes that there’s enough for everyone, that new ideas, clients, money, and life is always being created, and that everything we need is on it’s way to us already.

But, sometimes a scarcity mindset can take over and blindside me. It took some time, but now I know the signs to look for. Here are mine. Wanna know my biggest signs of a scarcity mindset?

7 signs of a Scarcity Mindset

Scarcity Mindset Sign #1: I budget and look for ways to cut back in our life

While budgeting is a super helpful tool for household management, I notice myself shrinking back from financial hurdles as I cut out things we enjoy to make room for bills. I’m letting the problem be bigger than me.

Scarcity Mindset Sign #2: I overspend

Ironically enough, after I spend time cutting back, it’s almost uncanny what happens next: I overspend. I get overwhelmed by the thoughts of a joyless, bill-filled budget and...give up. All of a sudden my well planned, on-budget grocery list goes out the window and I’m buying treats and indulgences instead, mourning the loss of all things fun and lovely in life. Yeah...I can be a little dramatic at times.

Scarcity Mindset Sign #3: I try to fix past wrongs

As soon as I notice I’m spending my time trying to fix past wrongs, I know I’m living in scarcity. I can’t let the past rest and I need to figure out what I wish I would have said, plan for how to prove myself right, or even just dream up alternative endings to a situation that’s done. What’s the problem? I can’t actually go back and change anything, so I’m believing the situation I want to fix wasn’t enough. Instead of learning from it, I’m trying to change it.

Scarcity Mindset Sign #4: I complain easily (rant, vent, whatever you wanna call it)

This one is pretty self explanatory, but when I’m in a scarcity-driven state, I don’t just make a complaint, I complain about everything! From believing every driver on the road is dumb, to the number of emails i get or don’t get, to not having anything to eat or wear or do or, the only thing I can see is unhappiness. Literally everything becomes fair game for complaining. The only abundance in my life at that point is my negative point of view.

Scarcity Mindset Sign #5: Everything rubs me the wrong way

I notice that when I don’t feel like I am enough or that I have enough, everyone irritates me. No one can do anything right. Every request is a major inconvenience, and I’m constantly the victim to other’s choices. Basically, if this is you, know that the people choosing to stick by you are probably wishing it were easier to do so right now.

Scarcity Mindset Sign #6: I ask the wrong questions

I ask myself questions like  “how many bookings do I still need?” “should I cut back my paycheck if we don’t book enough?” “why aren’t people booking me?” and “where is our money going?” You can probably guess what I’m going to say about these questions: They’re the WRONG questions to ask yourself!

Scarcity Mindset Sign #7: I answer emails or scroll on social media first thing in the morning

If I’m clearing my inbox, strategically commenting on other’s social posts, what’s the problem? Aren’t those smart things to do? No. Not first thing in the morning. I’m starting the day believing that my time belongs to someone else. I’m living under the tyranny of the urgent and I’m ultimately spending my entire day spinning wheels instead of moving my business forward. A few minutes answer emails or scrolling completely shifts my mindset.

Where’s my scarcity mindset coming from?

A place of not-enoughness. And how can I tell? Often, I hold this scarcity in my body in the form of physical symptoms I don’t pay attention to. If I stop, take deep breaths, and repeat my favorite phrase “I am enough. I have enough” over and over, I notice my jaw relaxed (I didn’t even know I was clenching it!), my heartrate slows noticeably (what? My heart was thumping in my chest and I honestly had no clue?) my headache begins to ease and muscles begin to relax in my back and hips (yeah, I carry tension in my hips. That’s not a thing I ever realized I’d put out there!)

So, if you’re like me and find yourself living in scarcity in one of these common ways, you can recognize that “I’m enough and I have enough.” But how do you then begin welcoming an abundance driven mindset back into your life? Tune in for my next post, where I break down my top ways to kick out scarcity and welcome and abundance mindset to thrive in my life.

Want to learn how to completely change your mindset?

Join the Create Your Breakthrough Year workshop and learn how to effect change at every level so you can gain momentum, create clarity, and nurture growth in your life and business.

Because if you don’t already have those things, you’re probably living in scarcity and holding off the very growth you want in your business.

Purchase the Create Your Breakthrough Year Online Workshop Here:

'Tis the season for abundance! | Abundance mindset tips for creative entrepreneurs

Did you realize that the advent season is the perfect opportunity to practice abundance? In a season of giving and receiving this is the PERFECT time for one of the most overlooked parts to living in abundance.

How an advent song taught me about abundance

Last week, I was washing dishes and humming one of my favorite Advent songs. When I got to the chorus, I think ALL the lightbulbs in my mind were going off at once! Let me share my breakthrough about abundance in advent

Prepare him room.

Prepare him room.

Let the King of glory enter in

~Sovereign Grace Ministries

All of a sudden, I realized what the song was saying.

Make room in order to receive!

What was the ONE thing Mary and Joseph heard during their attempts to find a place for Mary to labor and deliver her baby?

There’s no room

Do you know that this is one of the biggest reasons we deflect or miss abundance in our lives? There’s no room!

How I manifested my dream car and Chanel bag

And then I thought back to the times this past year when I manifested some of the biggest material goods of our lives.

When I manifested our car, I tried and tried to find one in time, but each time I would see a listing for the car we wanted, it would already be sold. It wasn’t until I cleaned out our garage and found a home for my old car that the new one came into our lives.

It was the same with my Chanel bag. I had dreamed of owning a Chanel bag. It became my reward for reaching my money goal in 2018.

As I neared my goal, I began looking for my dream handbag. But no matter what I found, there was always something a little off about the handbags on the market.

But, then I started preparing room for this very special handbag. I created a special place to store it between uses. I cleaned up my wallet, throwing out receipts, organizing my bills and cards, removing things I wasn’t using.

As soon as I did this, the bag I had in mind went on the market at a price I dreamed of. I was ready to receive-I had prepared room!

How to let go in order to receive

You know, it’s the same in our hearts, our businesses, our relationships, and our lives. Everything we want needs room. What if, as we prepared for Christmas this year, we made room first? Room for more love, more material goods, more time, more money, and more LIFE?

This past weekend, I did that in some really practical ways.

my abundant advent challenge

Earlier this week, I had told Stephen “I feel like we need to make space in our home this weekend. You know, like let’s donate or sell things we’re not using, clean up the garage and basement, and make sure everything has a home.”

I didn’t know why I felt that way at the time, but I trusted and planned to prepare room. If nothing else, I knew we were about to unwrap a bunch of presents and the thought of adding more “stuff” to our expanse of “stuff” already felt a little overwhelming. I had this urge to make space in our home for the new things coming.

So, I began preparing room. And the journey brought up some surprising things. Tune in for my next post, where I chronicle my personal abundant advent challenge and comment below-does this make you want to make room in your life?

How to recognize fear in your life

If there’s one thing that holds photographers and creative entrepreneurs back from stepping into the dream they have for their business, it’s fear. From worry all the way to anxiety, Fear has a pretty big spectrum…but a pretty similar end result-inaction. Safety. And dreams remaining dreams. Isn’t that kinda sad to think about?

So, dreamer. Are you reader to become a doer? The first step is to learn to spot fear in your life. Here are 6 of the most common manifestations of fear-do any stand out to you?

How to recognize fear in YOUR life and business

I’m listing the 6 most common forms of fear below. Oddly enough-they come in pairs-either because one escalates into another (i.e.-worry/anxiety; avoidance/self-sabotage) OR because they are complimentary fears (safety mechanisms/defense mechanisms)

Worry

Fear of the unknown takes a toll on your physical body. Letting your mind run wild in the realm of the unknown is not what your beautiful brain was meant for! And it’s gonna show in your physical body.

From tooth grinding and headaches, to ulcers and acid reflux, your body wasn’t meant to live in a chronic state of worry. While you can technically live with these symptoms IF they stay at this level…chances are they will progress into:

Anxiety

Worry manifesting itself in our physical bodies with symptoms that delve into panic reactions. When you struggle with anxiety, your body is literally pumping the breaks to keep you out of the situations that cause you this anxiety.

Our bodies move into the fight or flight stage in anxiety and amp up physical symptoms to breathing issues, muscle tightening, erratic behavior, and more. These are symptoms you can no longer live with. Something needs to change immediately when you’re experiencing anxiety symptoms.

Sound’s fun, right? Let’s talk about a different side of fear:

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Avoidance

Quite simply, avoidance is that person who, when they hear anything that stresses them out, plugs their ears and sings “lalalalalalala!” until it stops. You know you’ve seen a grown adult do this! This is fear. Avoiding stressors comes from a belief that what you fear must be avoided. Bad things happen when you feel fear, so avoid it, sometimes at all costs.

This person is likely the one changing the subject abruptly at the dinner table, likes to please people and can’t afford to have someone upset with them.

Self-sabotage/self-destructive behaviors

Paired with avoidance is self-sabotage and self-destructive behaviors. It’s a “walk the plank” mentality when you realize you have to face something stressful or fearful. Since you believe you can’t handle the stress, when you realize you have no choice but to face it, you take the approach that you’re about to go down in flames. You often find yourself doing the very things you know you shouldn’t, wondering “whyyyyyyy am I doing/saying this??”

Have you seen a small child walk over to a hot stove, touch it and cry? My immediate thought is “oof, that’s a tough way to learn a lesson!” But how do you feel if the child, still crying, goes and touches the stove again? I’m thinking in my head “WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT, YOU KNOW IT’S GOING TO HURT YOU!” That’s how self-sabotage looks from the outside in.

From messing up a business deal, triggering an argument when you were happy with your spouse, coworker, or business partner, to forgetting equipment for a job, etc. the “I’ll probably just mess it up” mindset is basically predicting that you WILL.

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Coping mechanisms

Just like a child sucking his thumb or reach for his favorite stuffed animal to help him fall asleep, we as adults can develop soothing behaviors to help us feel safe again when we’re scared. They’re not entirely bad-in fact, knowing how to take care of yourself when you are feeling scared is a key piece of self care.

Sometimes we get pushed headlong into the scary stuff before we’ve had space to see how we handle it and we grasp and something that soothes a base human need. The danger that often follows coping mechanisms is that when we learn to cope with something stressful or scary, we start to retreat. We lower our tolerance for stress or scary stuff and reach for a coping mechanism faster with each stress trigger.

It’s pretty common to find that coping leads to addictive or highly patterned behaviors. Some common ones include spending money, disordered eating (this is a big one for us women), and sexual issues, to addictive substances or workaholic tendencies.These behaviors make you feel safe when you otherwise felt vulnerable or scared.

Defense mechanisms

While coping mechanisms are the flight side of dealing with fear, defense mechanisms are the fight side. You know you’re can’t run from it. So you prepare for battle.

Defense mechanisms are ways in which you defend or protect yourself from difficult situations-these situations can be as simple as unwanted situations all the way to trauma triggers.

If you’re living in a place of defense mechanisms, you’re probably thinking through worst case scenarios, practicing responses, protecting your work, or even picking a fight so you can lay someone open with harsh words or criticism.

Of all the behaviors, defensive, protective behavior is by far the most painful to others. Like a wounded animal, a defensive person will snap and bite at you if you get too close to their pain. This person needs some pretty significant help and needs you to be extra careful around them lest you get hurt in the process.

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*I want to be sensitive to the fact that fear often has a reason for living in you. And sometimes that reason is rooted in real, painful life circumstances. If that’s you, I just want to take a moment to honor you and let you know that you didn’t deserve the trauma you experienced. You are so worthy of healing and you are so worthy of having support. You are beautiful and brave.*

What does fear sound like?

Fear often starts with two little words- “what if?” Those words mean you’re living in a potential reality. And quite frankly, if you don’t learn to let go of these thoughts, it will become your actual reality. Why? Like attracts like. In this case? Worry attracts in more things to worry about.

“what if this fails?” (remember that fixed mindset stuff from some of my early blog posts?”

“what if I can’t?”

“I know what’s going to happen if…”

“I need to protect my self…”

“just in case (X) happens, I’m going to…”

“I’ll probably just mess it up.”

“What if they think…?”

“I’m not cut out for this”

“I can’t”

Conclusion

We all experience fear. And we all deal with it the best we know how-after all, we’re all just doing the best we can.

We may deal with fear in the form of worry or even anxiety, or we might avoid fear, trying to stay in our happy place until we’re forced to face our fears and then we self-sabotage, bringing our fears to life. Maybe you’re not in either of those categories, but instead, you deal with fear through coping mechanisms. You can’t avoid fear, but this helps you remove yourself from it.

Perhaps you’re one of the people who often feels defensive and a little compative when in a scary situation, leaning on defense mechanisms to get you through. If that’s you, you’re not alone. You’re not terrible. And you’re not stuck.

Coming soon, I’ll share some psychology and NLP based ways to deal with fear in a healthy way.

We’re all just doing the best we can!

What did you learn about fear? Did something specific resonate with you? Leave a comment and share. This small, brave move may help you let go of fears in your life!