2019 was the year I almost quit. I ended the year in a crumpled up pile of tears and snot, sobbing and asking “Should I really be doing this? The hardship right now feels so overwhelming. I wonder if everyone would be better off if I stopped trying and just tried being a stay at home mom.”
Stephen looked at me with compassion and anger.
It’s not often that my husband expresses anger. But when he does, boy do I pay attention.
“So, after all we’ve been through, you’re going to fold in the towel now? You’re telling me that instead of coaching women to live in their purpose, you’ll feel happy and content cleaning and organizing the house and picking up toddler toys?”
Lesson 1 | It’s okay to not love being a mom
I had a conversation with someone recently where she waxed on about how much she adored being with her kids and missed them whenever she had to be away from them-even for a grocery store run.
She sighed, looking genuinely happy, then looked at me and asked “don’t you just love being a mom?”
I stared at her blankly for a moment, then took a deep breath and said:
“I love my son so much. But I don’t feel that way. I wish I did. But I don’t.”
Here’s the thing: I love my son deeply. I am in awe of him and would do anything to protect and nurture him. But the title of “mom” is not something I have a romantic attachment to. We love each other deeply. We need each other. But its okay to not love the role of being a baby and toddler mom.
What I do know is this: my purpose transcends my roles. And integrates into all of them. If my purpose is to call people to live their fullest potential, then I’m living that out as a wife, mother, friend, coach, and founder. THAT’S what I love. My purpose. Not my role. Roles change. And quite frankly, being a toddler mom suuuuuucks right now.
As I’m typing this, Ansel is currently fussing, crying, and screaming because Stephen isn’t playing with his train just right. He’s fussy and rude sometimes. (and so are other moms, tbh)
But my role is to call him to his highest potential. So I commend his persistence and vision, while sheperding emotional intelligence, kindness, and compassion in him.
If you’re a mom and not loving it, I hope this encourages you to think bigger and see the value in the beautiful things you’re doing.
Lesson 2 | Always face your fears
2019 was filled with scary stuff. I faced my fears of being seen, being judge, being not good enough, and being abandoned. I owned the fact that I have a higher calling than fear itself. So I launched, I created, I sold. I reached out. and I grew.
It was filled with trying things, facing fear, allowing myself to be seen no matter what. I’m grateful to understand now that fear is not a huge mountain to be rushed. It’s a friend, tapping you on the shoulder.
It isn’t this big built up thing to conquer. It’s a friend to stop and pay attention to. Fear is now my friend. It just needs a little attention and it goes away.
If you want to play big in 2020 and you think the key is to bum-rush your fears, pause, instead visualize yourself chatting with a friend. When the friend has said her piece, she leaves. That’s fear. invite it, sit with it.
Lesson 3 | Always be true to you
This year I almost threw in the towel and quit. I worked harder than I’ve ever worked, navigated the complex water of motherhood while building a business. During that time, I allowed myself to be judged and learned to not accept it. I was given prescriptions for a successful business and tried them. Some worked. Others didn’t.
I was told my priorities were out of line because I was a full time entrepreneur instead of a mom with a hobby.
I was told to follow other people’s rules.
I was told to stop reaching out to people I don’t know-it’s spammy.
I was told I should only follow so many people on social platforms-any more than that arbitrary number and I was spammy.
I was told I should post more
I was told I should post less
I was told I should launch
I was told I should make a course
I was told courses are dead
I was told that 10 times the effort was the key to me getting my desired results
I was told that ease and flow was the key to getting my desired results
I was told ads were the key to success
I was told anything but organic sales was spammy
I was told instagram is the biggest key to sales
I was told pinterest was the biggest key to sales
I was told facebok was the biggest key to sales
I was told DM’s were the biggest key to sales.
I was told a lot of things this year. I tried on some of these recommendations and tried my darndest to be that version of success prescribed by another person. But in the end, what I realized is that no one can determine what’s right for me. No one can label me without me accepting it.
I owned what I wanted. I eliminated toxic relationships and stopped listening to ego-driven advice. I studied successful people and noticed that it wasn’t WHAT they did, it was always WHO they were being that got them their success.
And I ended 2019 coming home to me. I hope you do too this year.
Lesson 4 | Accept your year…even if you don’t understand it
I had some success. I had some failures. I had some $20k months and some months where I couldn’t figure out why my best efforts didn’t pan out…at all.
And, unlike any other year, I don’t know why some things worked and others didn’t. I desperately wanted to understand and correct anything that didn’t work. But just couldn’t figure out why things worked or didn’t. I kept going back to my yearly review, trying it different ways, thinking if I could just find the right WAY to review my 2019, I’d be able to clearly lay out my “what worked/what didn’t,” list to apply to 2020.
But it just wasn’t working.
And one morning I woke up and thought “what if your desire to understand things IS the problem? What if 2019 was the year where you learned to accept and love yourself, others, and everything that was given to you no matter whether you understood it or not?”
So this year, I’m operating my new year planning differently. I’ve done my reviews. Over and over again.and now I’m closing the books and saying “I accept the gift of 2019. I don’t understand everything that I navigated. But I accept it. And I trust it is for my highest good.”
And here’s what I know. Acceptance and trust are the most abundant energies that I could bring with me into 2020.
So, if your mind is noisy, filled with the mixed, confusing, ego-driven messages of people who feel they have figured out their secret sauce and want you to do exactly what they do, remember:
It’s not WHAT you do.
It’s WHO you’re being when you do it.
So let’s take on 2020 in the most abundant, confident, trust available to us and recognize that life is unfolding FOR us, not happening TO us.
Here’s to a fabulous 2020!
