Guys. 2020. When we thought it couldn’t get weirder…or worse, 2020 came back swinging.
And, as I picked my way through the minefield of this year, I learned so much that helped me rise. This post is my unfiltered truth about living and growing this year. Wins and calibrations, confusions, and dark nights of the soul. All of it.
If you’re still in the thick of 2020-ing, I hope my life lessons give you hope. Morning always follows the dark night. And of course, if this speaks to you and you need someone to talk to, please contact me. So, without further adieu,
My biggest lessons from 2020, part 1
Until 2020, I knew in the back of my mind, that I had some issues I wasn’t dealing with. How? Instead of facing them straight on, I was coping…and I knew it. It was honestly one of those “I’ll do it tomorrow” things for me. We all have them at some point. And this year, I grew deeply unsatisfied with settling for them. And in the hardest of years, I faced my fears.
Instead of numbing emotions, in the cold, hard reality of 2020, I’ve seen just how strong I am. Just how capable I am. Just how enough I am. How deeply creative I am. How much I’m capable of creating. How I get to appreciate who I am, even if I am not around others. I’ve been able to get clear on what’s really important to me and I’ve created a clear picture of what I truly want.
What exactly is a coping mechanism?
A coping mechanism is a way in which we numb our emotional pain. Whether unresolved hurts, fears, feelings of loneliness, feeling inadequate or like a fraud, sometimes feeling that way can be too much to handle, so we develop coping mechanisms to protect us and keep us inside of our comfort zone. Coping mechanisms often fall into one of 5 categories:
disordered eating (over/under eating)
drinking too much
phone scrolling/screen time
overspending
acting out sexually
Letting go of comfort and learning to rise above my circumstances
One night, as I got ready for bed, I unconsciously made a frustrated growl and began throwing our bedsheets around.
“Babe? Are you okay?” my husband asked?
”My sheets are all jumbly.” I said in an exasperated tone.
“Jumbly?? I don’t know what that word means.” He said in a confused tone.
”It’s when the sheets get all tangled at my feet and suddenly my bare feet are sticking out of the sheets because they are all messy!” I explained.
Success is jumbly
I honestly don’t know where I got this word “jumbly,” but sometimes it’s the only way I can think of to explain something that feels messy and kind of frustrating.
Success is an inside job and it’s one I took on with new skills and awareness this year. But the truth is that it has been messy-jumbly, one might say ;) but for me? this year has been about choosing what I focus on because what I focus on is always what I get back.
So in 2020, I’ve created things I’m proud of. Here’s how I did it, in all honesty.
Me rising this year has looked like:
Navigating some serious anxiety
Learning to next-level accept myself before marketing myself
Trying offers that didn’t work
Having hard conversations
Feeling lonely and misunderstood
Some low cash months that I thought meant I was a failure.
Feeling scared about covid, elections, and various relational dramas I had never dealt with before.
Recognizing my privilege and feeling heartbroken as I deepened my education around racism.
But it also looked like:
Creating a toolkit of de-escalation strategies and recognizing how much agency I have in my own mental and emotional health! Coping can be changed.
Learning to deeply love and accept myself
Creating offers that sold out and got people incredible results (magnetic minds)
Learning to speak up for what I need-huge win-speaking up used to feel deeply unsafe.
Learning that hard conversations don’t last forever.
creating boundaries and realizing how healthy and expansive my relationships could feel!
Recognizing that I’ll always make the next right choice for me-I actually can’t get it “wrong!”
Gratitude for every payment, celebration for achieving things I desired to, like $10k, $20k, and $30k months, and recognizing that no matter what, my identity and my earnings are two different things.
Recognizing that I always have the power to rise above my circumstances. Always and Always. I can do hard things, impossible things, things I have never done before, and things I have failed at in the past. I can. And I will.
I get to be a part of a time of action for racial equity. There’s much work to do… and of course I’ll get it wrong sometimes. But am I open to learning through correction? YES. It’s the absolute least I can do in my advocacy journey. the time for change is now and it’s my responsibility to continue taking imperfect action and stepping up with and for BIPOC friends, colleagues, and fellow, equal citizens.
We can have the reality we want. We don’t need to be available for the tradeoffs. And honestly, it’s important that we do. Because us creating our dream reality shows someone else that it’s possible for them to rise above their hard circumstances.
Comment below-what does rising above your circumstances mean for you?
